Projects

Because I spent so much time driving and pondering and pondering and driving, I guess I am not totally shocked that I came up with a writing project on the road last week.

It’s going to take a long time, and it’s going to be slow going.

And like most of my projects that start ass-backward, it’s going to begin with a working title.

By a Thread: the gay partner’s guide to hanging on with your loved one

Because I am here to tell ya, if this book already existed, I would have bought it by now. It doesn’t exist and it totally should.

I think it is long past time that we talked, realistically, about the million tiny deaths that a gay relationship must survive in spite of the legal/medical/societal systems that occasionally seem designed specifically to destroy us. Even when we are already dying/ill/changing. What I would really love, though, is to include real stories from women like me, like you, like your partner/girlfriend/wife/whatever epithet you choose.

I may end up narrowing or broadening the scope of this project, depending on responses, but here’s what I’m looking for.

Know someone, or you yourself, who have been through a major process in support of a partner? You define major, I can’t. Mine’s obvious – end of life issues. But I would include stuff like the heterosexual divorce you went through to be together. Or the chronic disease you are fighting together through the medical profession. Or depression. Or major surgery. Or the death of your partner. Or the death of your partner’s identity.

I love these partners, but I don’t want their story. Let me be very, very clear. I want the “supporting” role. If you were going to write it in essay form, I’d say give me three paragraphs on the partner’s situation, and three pages on the supporting cast. Get it? I want the story that never gets told, that vanishes in the every day just-keep-this-shit-running that our lives become.

So if you know someone, or if you want to tell the story yourself, or if you want to call me and I will transcribe and take notes, I’m good with all the above. But these stories need to be told.

Email me. soulofjolie at yahoo dot com.

I’m looking for my own voice, trying to scream through the silence. Come scream with me. We’ll find your voice, too.