Only Partly Uncensored

Again

In Mouthy Broad on January 3, 2013 at 1:56 am

Woot!

We haz internets once more in the house of Jolie.

It’s been on the fritz for a couple of weeks, off and on, and driving me to drink. Not least because I can’t bring myself to blog on an iPhone keyboard. As amazing as the technology is, that just isn’t possible.

Nope. It sucks way too much for me, thanks anyway. I need a keyboard and a screen and a lap catching fire because laptops really aren’t lap-friendly in spite of their best advertising.

Being internet-less left me speechless (typeless? keyboardless?) and unable to continue with my resumption of blogging. Which was a sentence so ugly it made me laugh to type it.

It’s also made me resolve to get one of those nifty paper-thin foldable bluetooth keyboards, for in-case-of-emergency blogging in future. I could probably survive the WP app if I had actual keys upon which to beat furiously, as I am wont to do.

I’m not sorry to see the end of 2012…

My Facebook status on New Year’s Eve actually read: 

Dear 2012,

Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.

No love,

Me

… but it wouldn’t be complete without my final say in the matter. It was the year that Rhett started having health problems (read: he hates doctors and doesn’t want to go), that Sharkman continued having school problems (read: he hates teachers and students and doesn’t want to go), and that I maybe kind of started solving the work problems.

Not to be confused with solving the money problems – no, no, not that. That still sucks. But work sucks less, in the I’m-going-to-blow-my-brains-out-mind-numbingness of it all.

In theory, 2013 will be the year we start solving the money problems. We’re going to downsize, and redefine, and reprioritize, and I’m going to try one more time to go from a six-figure-income life to a barely-qualifies-as-white-collar life.

We’re also going to try again for baby #2, hopefully with significantly more success from donors this time. Because last time, also one of the less stellar moments of 2012, was a complete fucking bust. Which may make the wonderful money-managing resolution utterly moot, given the overall expense of a baby in this day and age, but we’ll see.

Since I’ve been techno-gagged since before Christmas, I’ll give you the recap of my personal year in review and my two cents’ worth of perspective on what’s coming.

2012:

1. It didn’t end. The world, I mean. I’ve been saying for a very long time now that the poor Mayan bastard’s hand just finally cramped up from all that chiseling – it looks like I was actually right. Of course, the year also didn’t feel like it was ever going to end, but there you have it. It did. And not a moment too soon.

2. The best thing I can say about 2012 is that the world didn’t end. Even when I really, really wanted it to.

2013:

1. It’s one big blank slate. We’ll be staying in New Mexico (unfortunately), moving to a much less expensive place (thanks to the tiny baby Jeebus), and trying to figure out what to do with a budding middle-schooler.

2. TSOC will be turning four. Four. Years. Old.

That’s all I’ve got. I’m staying away from resolutions and predictions and major plans (beyond the baby one, because everyone knows that kids blow your best-laid plans completely out of the water). I miss northern New Mexico and want to go home, but Rhett misses Alaska and wants to go home, so that’s a toss-up between what breaks first, the custody issues or the job issues.

I’m going to really try to keep up my activity here, because the  more often I make it to the login page and actually get my password typed in, the happier I am with myself and the more I feel like I’m actually accomplishing something.

It’s funny, that. Because this page makes me no money. It makes no contribution to the gross national product. But this is what feels like an accomplishment to me, smearing words across a page in the hopes that they add a tint to someone else’s day.

Even if it’s just my husband’s, who has been my most loyal reader.

I’ve got lots of hopes for 2013. I hope Sharkman keeps up his positive progress in school (because third grade sucked and then fourth grade blew and now fifth grade has had flashes of brilliance in between significantly shorter periods of suckage) and makes his Arrow of Light and finishes RCIC and still loves baseball and [edited for inappropriate exmarital referential content]. I hope Rhett feels better, and that his medication finally stabilizes.

For me, I just don’t know. I have little hopes. I hope I can stay out of the fog a little longer at a stretch this year (because a complete departure of the fog is unrealistic). I hope we can get pregnant fairly easily, since I’m not getting any younger. I hope I can find a way to be physically more fit without draining myself any further or putting any more pressure on myself. I hope I can keep up with work a little better – find a way to get ahead instead of playing catchup all the time.

The name of the game in 2013 is realism. Being realistic, managing my expectations, making the right baby steps in the right directions, and not being so devastated by the setbacks. Because expecting setbacks is realistic, too, but turning them into self-fulfilling prophecies is not a road I want to travel again. I’ve had plenty of that.

I want a good year; we deserve a good year. But good takes a lot of work, and I have a lot of ground to make up. Little steps, little goals, little hopes. That’s my 2013.

For you, my beloved friends and readers, I hope 2013 brings peace, and lots of love, in all kinds of shapes and sizes. The kind you want, the kind you need, the little loves like special cups of coffee and new books, and the big loves like finding exactly where you’re supposed to be or exactly the right path to start down. I hope your book of 365 blank pages that begins on January 1 has more happy chapters than sad, more triumphs than failures, more easy lessons than hard ones, more kisses than tears.

If there is any justice in this world, it will keep getting better, for all of us. Best of luck, dahlings.

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  1. I don’t always comment but I always read!

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