Hush

It’s awfully quiet around here, isn’t it?

I spend my life looking for a little quiet these days. But it seems sad that the only place I can find it is here.

Call it a trial balloon, call it a second chance, call it doubling down on the first bad hand.

Maybe I should reconsider, and make a little noise. We’ll see.

Closed for Renovations

If you look around a minute, you might notice a thing or two missing.

Or, well, about 544 things.

Every post I’ve ever written – poof. Gone. Vanished into the ether.

Not deleted. Just set to private.

Because it came to my attention today, in a very forceful fashion, that I’m not safe here. Just like I’m not safe at work, or at home, or at the grocery store, or at a Cub Scout meeting.

A restraining order is just a piece of paper, after all. A flimsy remnant of a dead tree, that tells one specific person how to behave, or not to behave. It doesn’t mention their family, or their friends, that get sucked into the whole sordid story with what pass for good intentions.

I was told today, in a very forceful fashion, that this blog is harmful. To me, to my son, to other people in our lives. I was told that it was unnecessary; that I shouldn’t want or need it.

I was told, officially and officiously, to sit down and shut up.

This is my temporary concession to that instruction, but I never have been very good at doing as I am told.

I’ll be reviewing each post I have ever written, individually. Every word I’ve ever archived here under my little illusion of anonymity. Those that seem innocuous, safe enough, superficial enough, will get reposted publicly. You know, the ones that can’t possibly misconstrued to have been about you, or you, or even you.

The rest will just have to stay buried beneath the rubble that is all that I’ve left of my privacy and my dignity.

Watch this space, kittens. I never did know when to just lay down and die.

Oh, and P.S?

No one would have ever known that they were about you, until you started screaming it out loud, in public.

Well done.

Broadway

Oh, Wednesday morning that only comes every other week, how I love my midweek day off.

Getting to it sucks – six day stretches of 12 hour days aren’t for sissies. But this Wednesday, and the one two weeks ago, and the one two weeks from now? They’re totally worth it.

I always stay up too late the night before, because I’ve been working my butt off and I’m married to a night owl. So we stay up, and spend time together, and then I drag ass the next morning, but it’s the next Wednesday morning, so it’s worth it.

I’m sitting on my couch, with my feet up, watching the two hour premiere of my favorite springtime show in utter quiet, not having to hit pause to navigate mom stuff, not having to get up and down to let dogs in or out (they’re all unconscious around me), no conversations or discussions or logistics. It’s heaven.

Or Broadway, which is the same thing if you ask me.

I’ve got a million things to do today, but it all seems possible when I’m sitting here, being a lazy lump, and with the whole day stretched out in front of me.

Realistically, I’m completely aware that I am not going to get to it all. Something will fall by the wayside. At some point tonight, I’ll remember something I meant to do today, and swear a blue streak. But whatever. That’s later tonight.

For now, I’m going to wallow in silence that bears no demands on my emotions or mind.

Have a happy Wednesday, y’all.